ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
