I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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