She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
