Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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