the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
