my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
