Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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