That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
