He is an equal opportunity slut.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
