hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
