Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
