Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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