Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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