I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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