I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize