He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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