So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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