Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
