I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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