it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I will be naked everywhere
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I am one with the molecules
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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