You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
