just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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