Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
