I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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