Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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