Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
