Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
