the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
