someone threw a dead crab at me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
