i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
