I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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