dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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