yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
