Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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