Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
