bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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