Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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