the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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