I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
