She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
