life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
