sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
