And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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