the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize