Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
