i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize