oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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