I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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