I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
