So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize