It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize