He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
