You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
