I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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