You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
