And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
