My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I want to make a zoo with you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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