i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
