no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I need a burrito and a hug.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
