So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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