After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
