i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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