Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
