Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
