The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
