i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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