Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
