how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
