I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
