My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
