barbara walters just said penis...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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