You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
4 words: hood of his car
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
