Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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