Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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