Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
