I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
